Meditation, In A Way

22 Oct

I just spent almost exactly an hour talking to myself, recording with Garageband. It started out because I desperately needed to talk to someone, but didn’t know who to call/if I should call.

Jude: I decided against it because it was late. I know you mean anytime. For some reason, some sort of moral sense is keeping me from dialing your numbers when it feels too far into the evening. And at that point, it was eleven thirty.

M: I wasn’t sure if your cell phone would be on or not (and I sure as hell wasn’t dialing your home number). I wanted it to be off, so I could leave a message, because I think that would be the ideal situation (other than us having some sort of direct link that didn’t require loud ringing noises), but I couldn’t know, and so decided against it.

You two were the only people I felt comfortable intruding on like that. M because… Well, because, and Jude because you’ve explicitly told me, and even then I decided against it, so don’t anyone feel left out because your name isn’t here.

Guh. I am just typing nonsense here.

Only one more important part; the aftermath. I feel a lot better. Collected & cool, somehow (literally, not figuratively; chilly). I actually haven’t cried quite like I did tonight in some time now… It’s a different, more extended form. Not just an emotional burst, but more of a cold front-style behaviour, for those of you taking Earth Space right now.

I deleted it. It was powerful, it was raw, and there were things I think I actually should have snipped out to give to people – important ways and mannerisms of expressing things I haven’t been able to get across in the past – but overall, it was the best choice. I feel clean now.

(And I still have few of my secrets, too.)

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4 Responses to “Meditation, In A Way”

  1. Jazzy 22/10/2009 at 17:51 #

    You can always call me, dear.

  2. Greenie 22/10/2009 at 21:28 #

    And please, you can always call me.

    Oh. And for future reference: my cell phone is always off. You may think I’m exaggerating, but I’m really not. Unless I have explicitly told you it is on, it’s off.

  3. perspiciens 25/10/2009 at 22:02 #

    Me. You can call me. My phone is usually on vibrate and I’m usually up until 1 anyway… Texties work too…

  4. a student 25/10/2009 at 22:08 #

    Thank you.

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