Static

26 Oct


(This is so much better than the studio version, despite its faults.)

So, today has been interesting. Basically, I did nothing at school. Which was a welcome relief. I think I acted too sarcastic in French, though; the teacher does not seem to approve of my… How shall I put it. Laissez-faire approach? Not to be too punny or anything.

Nota bene: This post is bound to be rather random. My brain is feeling scattered, and surprisingly, a headache seems to be lurking.

Second block seemed shorter than normal. Since I’ve been sort of busy… I am finding it harder to enjoy free time. I just didn’t want to do anything today.

I ended up going to the band room. Jordan was there… I played him some jazz and wished I could just lock all the doors and cover the windows. Maybe sing a bit. Probably have a one-person rave party.

[I think what was missing might have been you.]

Now is the type of time in which I will begin to say ‘I don’t know…’ and not really mean it at all. The thing is… I really don’t know, but that’s not the message I’m trying to send at all. Please, anybody, help me interpret when you find me like this?

Chemistry was fun. We went to the computer lab and did an activity on elements. I cheated and had time to check my email.

What? It wasn’t like it was real cheating.

I don’t get headaches. Ever. Plus, I had some ice cream and a brownie after school. Almost a binge day, depending on whether or not I eat a lot at dinner.

Speaking of that. You’ve probably never heard me use that term. Binge day. Unless of course you are Sierra, in which case you have. I’m not bulimic… Somewhat due to the fact that my ‘bingeing’ involves me just indulging a bit, but mostly because I don’t really purge. Some days, I exercise a lot more than normal and get excited when I see a ‘good’ number on the scale. But weight alone – actually, I’m beginning to think at all – is not a good indicator of health or improvement. So anyway. Enough worrying. Stop.

Seriously. There actually is nothing to be worried about here. What are the statistics? Five to fifteen percent of people with bulimia are also male. What are the numbers for people who used to be male?

Also, I just had dinner. It was good. Turkey tetrazzini.

I didn’t know how to spell that. I need to learn Italian, and restart Esperanto for the third time, and kick my French teacher into sanity and action, and I also need to show her my old French book and see if we can bully the language department into giving us money for people to get them, because the book is really just an orgasm on paper. Practically a French erotica novel.

I’ve come to the conclusion that iTunes and ǝsǝǝɥɔ ǝbɐʇʇoɔ have a really bad shuffle choice when it comes to music. On the other hand, iTunes just pulled up The Message, which I have to say is some high-quality beat-juice.

Or maybe it’s just that I don’t like anything anymore.

– want to scream to the world something, anything-only worry-only-only w-worr-onl-onlywor-only worry –

It is like a jungle, sometimes. I try not to wonder how I keep from goin’ under.

Makes me wonder how strings attached to wrists stay on without providing a constant pain to the owner’s little lines, associations with dissimilar topics in fabric turns- makes me wonder about the lines themselves → makes me remember wanting a closeness, takes me back to a silliness-innocence I’ve since lost, synapses to mush, because it is that time of year again, soon it’ll all start all over → seasonal ups, makes me wish I had a beat to my life → love the repetitive nature of feet slapping the pavement, jarring every now and then extending to the same synapses, hardened, diamond-crystal → wish I could be all that I want you to want me to be, makes me wonder

How I switch this off.

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7 Responses to “Static”

  1. Brian Barker 08/11/2009 at 13:13 #

    If you restart Esperanto, can I suggest http://www.lernu.net 🙂

  2. nonnie 12/01/2010 at 22:17 #

    You have binge days and I have fast days. We can lecture each other.

  3. a student 12/01/2010 at 22:19 #

    Spend too much time on other people’s blogs much?

    (I’ve always wanted Bridget to say that to me.)

    (It’s totally true.)

    • nonnie 13/01/2010 at 19:59 #

      😛 True for you, or true for me?

      You’ve always wanted to be told you spend too much time on other people’s blogs?

    • evyivyover 14/01/2010 at 17:25 #

      Dear Ana,

      You spend too much time on other people’s blogs.

      However,

      it makes me feel loved when my email is full of wordpress comment notifications, or my little dashboard graph spikes.

      So I do not complain.

      & I comment so you will get a notification email as well.

      It’s wordpress’s way of saying I love you.

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