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How I Have Been Different

11 Feb

– gained ten pounds & some-odd noticeable inches
– stopped wearing jewelry (have started again)
– started wearing the same thing all the time
– started avoiding eye contact
– added roughly forty gut-wrenching songs to music library
– began to sift through previous past
– memory loss
– started avoiding mirrors
– negativity
– started inactively [but noticeably] avoiding sleep
– huge grade drop; loss of comprehension and slash or concentration
– loss of writing
– gain in casual musical experience
– [ironic] decrease in tolerance for intolerance
– started to cry when well-enough immersed in any story
– loss in retention
– obsession with past
– skepticism
– idiocy slash loss of the Right Thing To Do

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Lover, Lover, Lover

25 Jan

I’ve started to cry. When I read a story, or watch a movie… When it gets emotional, I cry. I never used to do that. I think it might be good, but there’s at least a possibility that it’s not. What if it’s just because I’m fragile? What if it’s not that I’m opening my mind; becoming more imaginative?

(Duele no tenerte cerca)

Why does this have to be? More unanswerable questions. I just can never quite tell when you’re telling the truth or when you’re protecting me… When you’ll be okay or when I’ll hurt you. Everything blurs together. It’s just one dilemma after another.

(Duele no escuchar tu voz)

I have to fill in the blanks. Make the pieces fit together. Once everything sticks things will be okay, and I can see that now, and that’s progress, I suppose.

(Duele respirar tu ausencia, pero…)

All I want to do is make you happy. Make everyone happy. Why can’t I do both at the same time? Why isn’t there enough for that?

(Duele más decirte adiós)

Pyjama Pants

1 Jan

One year to the minute and I can still taste your lips exactly as they were…

Refrain

9 Sep

I cannot lose you, in the strictest sense of the word ‘can’ and the most real sense of the word ‘need’.

Heat Transfer

7 Sep

Life is so beautiful, sometimes. The fan that made me bleed is running right next to my head and there is a cricket and wind and lightning and I want to run all the way to your house just to show you this. Take you outside and kiss you and then leave, and you would be bleary-eyed and the wind is warm, love, and the lightning is bright, but it’s not here. Something went wrong in the line of things going wrong and suddenly there’s just one moment that’s right.

These are the nights we live, darling; these are the nights we die within ourselves and we fall asleep and rise up entirely new people.

In other news, I was thinking about you. I don’t want you fighting too hard for me. I’m not a good prize. Not good enough for you.