Tag Archives: goals

Lover, Lover, Lover

25 Jan

I’ve started to cry. When I read a story, or watch a movie… When it gets emotional, I cry. I never used to do that. I think it might be good, but there’s at least a possibility that it’s not. What if it’s just because I’m fragile? What if it’s not that I’m opening my mind; becoming more imaginative?

(Duele no tenerte cerca)

Why does this have to be? More unanswerable questions. I just can never quite tell when you’re telling the truth or when you’re protecting me… When you’ll be okay or when I’ll hurt you. Everything blurs together. It’s just one dilemma after another.

(Duele no escuchar tu voz)

I have to fill in the blanks. Make the pieces fit together. Once everything sticks things will be okay, and I can see that now, and that’s progress, I suppose.

(Duele respirar tu ausencia, pero…)

All I want to do is make you happy. Make everyone happy. Why can’t I do both at the same time? Why isn’t there enough for that?

(Duele más decirte adiós)

Hey, You- Take Two

4 Jan

I LOVE YOU MADELINE.

Hey, You

21 Dec

I GOT IN. HALFWAY.

Uberman Update Five

30 Jul

Two important notes:

  1. Gaming is ruining my life. I will no longer play unless at least one if not both of these qualifiers have been met:
    1. If it is two in the morning or something similar and I will sleep if my brain is not engaged with cheap entertainment.
    2. More importantly, if I have done something productive during the cycle and have more than a half hour left of free time.
    3. Scratch that, three qualifiers: If I have both showered and, if not exercised, at least made an effort or a plan to do so in the near future.
  2. This may not be working. I know when to cut my losses, and I can be healthy, despite some people’s doubts. I do know what I’m doing, guys. And if trust in that fails you, know that my body knows what it’s doing for certain. If I actually need sleep – in the real sense of the word – my body will sleep. I can’t train it out of that. This is only mildly successful because my body is tolerating my escapades so far. If it doesn’t anymore, I’ll stop. Say… In the space of three or four weeks, I must have a full fifteen naps in a row – two and a half days, or sixty hours – go perfectly.

I haven’t been keeping logs today- I’ll try to do them later, but I’m going out for a college visit in a few seconds. Ta!

Uberman Log, Day Nine

30 Jul

And by the way, I’m definitely not doing half-day posts. (For the record: Yesterday’s latter half was uneventful.) It’s nice for getting a post out at the end of the day – the same day that I post it on (the daylong buffer has always gotten to me) – but for some reason I don’t like doing the followup as much as I like doing the first part, and overall, I like doing them together much better.

As for logs for yesterday: You don’t need them. It went perfectly. I woke and slept just when I was supposed to. Overall rating of the day: 7/10. Tada!


This era had a lot of awesome music. Not to mention dance… That little thing at the beginning with the feet? Genius.

Uberman Update Four

29 Jul

I had the most vivid dream and my head is spinning. This has never happened to me before. I think it’d be more accurate to say that the contents of my head are spinning; spinning like something a little thinner than the consistency of stew… Anyway.

It was around the time I woke up from my 08:00 nap – 08:30, now – and looking about the way it did then. Violently dark. The sun that leered around the clouds was everything functional and nothing essential. There was no happiness in the way it shined and no benevolent feeling from the little warmth that reached down from the skies- just a pale light like a halogen bulb reaching its end.

Not much happened for a while. This was one of those dreams that so closely parallels real life that you don’t realise until you wake up that it wasn’t, so I was in my room for a while, passing time just like I do between naps.

There were three major events in the dream, all in quick succession- Starting with when I left my room and noticed that Aidan had set the shower on fire again* by staying in too long. There was smoke billowing out into the hallway from the bathroom that suddenly seemed a lot bigger than I remembered, and though I couldn’t see him, I knew Aidan was inside, trying to salvage what little he could.

As I proceeded down the hallway, the second event soon hit me. I was late for driving lessons! I looked out the window to check the weather and saw the third event. I remember shrugging and pulling on a coat, which will be hilariously funny when you know what the third event is. Anyway, for some reason, me taking driving lessons meant that I drove to the lessons, too. Which doesn’t make a whit of sense to me now.

As I was driving, I saw the third event on the horizon. There were actually two of them, the storm warning on the radio told us. Hurricanes. (Thinking back, this is actually the second time in the past few naps I’ve dreamed of tornados and hurricanes and twisters and that sort of thing.) I saw them both and was not worried in the slightest, though the car was being rocked and lifted off its wheels.

My alarm woke me before things went any further, but Id’ve liked to have been dreaming for a while longer; I had this feeling of longing that lingered for a couple of hours after I awoke. Anyway, there’s your taste of dreamland. Anyone else have any interesting dreams lately?

*This was apparently a very frequent event.

Uberman Log, Day Eight, Part One

28 Jul

This is a half-day log. I might start doing them regularly. Anyway, I feel like this morning was significant enough to warrant a post.

I woke up from my 04:30, but that’s about all that can be said for that. Knowing I needed to stay awake, I made it loopily into the shower and stayed for a half hour or so until my sister needed to get in. (Whod’ve thought? I expected I wouldn’t get in anybody’s way if I got in at five thirty, but I guess not.)

I got out of the shower barely not falling asleep. And when I say barely, I really mean barely- only just becoming conscious that I’ve been drying my arm for a few minutes now and jerking out of it to the next part of my body, having microsleeps every few second, not remembering getting to my room and sitting down… It was crazy. I’d like to say now that I’m proud to have made it though with only a few concessions- the way the entire morning was going, it looked like I’d be in bed and oversleeping in seconds at any given time.

I sat down at my computer and attempted to play a game, because I know that usually keeps my brain occupied, but I just wasn’t into it enough for the engaging part of the game to take any affect. I don’t remember doing it, but I must have shut it and the music off at some point.

This is where is gets hazy. See, I know I was awake, because several identifiable events happened in the time period that I can remember, if hazily. The idea of it, though, is that I was too tired to function. Luckily, I did function just enough to maintain the nap schedule. However, the times in between can hardly be called being awake- so I’m worried about how this will affect me.

I’m not really sure what happened from then on until 09:00, when my 08:30 nap finished up (see Notes). Then I became conscious, if not very. I started trying to get things done not for the sake of getting things done but just so I might stay awake.

It didn’t work very well, but I guess it did eventually work. It’s weird, though; there’s an entire section of my life that has just essentially disappeared due to sleep loss… I suppose that isn’t very different from the time monophasers lose sleeping, though. (… It’s still unsettling.) Fun fact: Did you know that every four days, I gain at least a full day on y’all? And this is with the generous estimate of three hours of sleep a day for me; I’m normally getting even less. Or should I say I’m getting more awake time?

Anyway, things proceeded normally. Normally referring to how this morning went; sleepily and barely remembering things. Luckily, it got better as time goes on, and I got more and more alert, not to mention cognisant.

My nap at noon was good; I awoke in time and managed it well, and when I did, I felt refreshed. Zoom out a bit to the big picture- from what little data I have right now, it appears that my day ends around four in the morning and starts between eight and twelve noon. I still have to work on that, but I think diligence is my only option.

Notes: The reason the times might seem messed up is that back when I thought it would help, I set my alarms at one, five, and nine – a full hour after I actually went to sleep. Luckily, I started going to bed late right around the time that I figured out that hourlong naps would not help me, only mess up my schedule- so now I have alarms set for slightly before twelve, four, and eight to tell me to go to sleep, and I make it into bed at roughly twelve thirty, four thirty, and eight thirty. I will have to change this if I intend to make the schedule work for school- but all I’ll have to do is move it back to what I intended, or possibly a few minutes earlier.

I guess that’s it for now. I just wanted to give you all a small update and see how that worked instead of the bigger ones.