Tag Archives: reflection

How I Have Been Different

11 Feb

– gained ten pounds & some-odd noticeable inches
– stopped wearing jewelry (have started again)
– started wearing the same thing all the time
– started avoiding eye contact
– added roughly forty gut-wrenching songs to music library
– began to sift through previous past
– memory loss
– started avoiding mirrors
– negativity
– started inactively [but noticeably] avoiding sleep
– huge grade drop; loss of comprehension and slash or concentration
– loss of writing
– gain in casual musical experience
– [ironic] decrease in tolerance for intolerance
– started to cry when well-enough immersed in any story
– loss in retention
– obsession with past
– skepticism
– idiocy slash loss of the Right Thing To Do

Advertisements

Lover, Lover, Lover

25 Jan

I’ve started to cry. When I read a story, or watch a movie… When it gets emotional, I cry. I never used to do that. I think it might be good, but there’s at least a possibility that it’s not. What if it’s just because I’m fragile? What if it’s not that I’m opening my mind; becoming more imaginative?

(Duele no tenerte cerca)

Why does this have to be? More unanswerable questions. I just can never quite tell when you’re telling the truth or when you’re protecting me… When you’ll be okay or when I’ll hurt you. Everything blurs together. It’s just one dilemma after another.

(Duele no escuchar tu voz)

I have to fill in the blanks. Make the pieces fit together. Once everything sticks things will be okay, and I can see that now, and that’s progress, I suppose.

(Duele respirar tu ausencia, pero…)

All I want to do is make you happy. Make everyone happy. Why can’t I do both at the same time? Why isn’t there enough for that?

(Duele más decirte adiós)

Pyjama Pants

1 Jan

One year to the minute and I can still taste your lips exactly as they were…

Heat Transfer

7 Sep

Life is so beautiful, sometimes. The fan that made me bleed is running right next to my head and there is a cricket and wind and lightning and I want to run all the way to your house just to show you this. Take you outside and kiss you and then leave, and you would be bleary-eyed and the wind is warm, love, and the lightning is bright, but it’s not here. Something went wrong in the line of things going wrong and suddenly there’s just one moment that’s right.

These are the nights we live, darling; these are the nights we die within ourselves and we fall asleep and rise up entirely new people.

In other news, I was thinking about you. I don’t want you fighting too hard for me. I’m not a good prize. Not good enough for you.

I’ll Just Post It Here

30 Jul

A magnetic poem

Not necessarily about today. It could be. It could not be.

Uberman Update Five

30 Jul

Two important notes:

  1. Gaming is ruining my life. I will no longer play unless at least one if not both of these qualifiers have been met:
    1. If it is two in the morning or something similar and I will sleep if my brain is not engaged with cheap entertainment.
    2. More importantly, if I have done something productive during the cycle and have more than a half hour left of free time.
    3. Scratch that, three qualifiers: If I have both showered and, if not exercised, at least made an effort or a plan to do so in the near future.
  2. This may not be working. I know when to cut my losses, and I can be healthy, despite some people’s doubts. I do know what I’m doing, guys. And if trust in that fails you, know that my body knows what it’s doing for certain. If I actually need sleep – in the real sense of the word – my body will sleep. I can’t train it out of that. This is only mildly successful because my body is tolerating my escapades so far. If it doesn’t anymore, I’ll stop. Say… In the space of three or four weeks, I must have a full fifteen naps in a row – two and a half days, or sixty hours – go perfectly.

I haven’t been keeping logs today- I’ll try to do them later, but I’m going out for a college visit in a few seconds. Ta!

Uberman Log, Day Nine

30 Jul

And by the way, I’m definitely not doing half-day posts. (For the record: Yesterday’s latter half was uneventful.) It’s nice for getting a post out at the end of the day – the same day that I post it on (the daylong buffer has always gotten to me) – but for some reason I don’t like doing the followup as much as I like doing the first part, and overall, I like doing them together much better.

As for logs for yesterday: You don’t need them. It went perfectly. I woke and slept just when I was supposed to. Overall rating of the day: 7/10. Tada!


This era had a lot of awesome music. Not to mention dance… That little thing at the beginning with the feet? Genius.